Here are just a few things we should do more of in 2012.
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Smelling the Art
What? Smell? Yes, you heard correctly. You've always thought museums and galleries and things were just for looking. How wrong you've always been. In 2012, smell more art. Go right up to the canvas. That's right. Position your nose just a few inches from the surface. Now, breathe in. Very good.
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Singing in Museums and Galleries
Tino Sehgal hires people to do it, and calls that art. Why should you limit yourself to softly mumbling things to your companion, "I don't like the Hudson River School." That's boring. Turn it into a song! A song called, "I Don't Like The Hudson River School!" Now you're cooking.
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Pretending the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Period Rooms Are Your House
Admit it: your actual house is depressing. It's small, box-like. It's cold. And who is that person living with you, anyhow? Go ahead, go to the Met, and pretend this room is your house. Add a little ro-co-co to your grim, IKEA-fied life. So much better.
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Doing Institutional Critique Disguised as Fake Group Tours in Museums
Don't let Andrea Fraser have all the fun. This can be a terrific way to pass the time on a lazy Sunday. Bring children, because then it looks more real.
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Proposing Marriage at the Frick Collection
Why not? There's a bowling alley in the basement, and a Bellini painting in the living room. Can't beat that with a stick. Perfect place to pop the question. And if he/she says no, jump into the pool in the center of the place and imitate the concluding scene of Sunset Boulevard. That always gets 'em back.
